


Attack on Snipe

by isengard



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Summer Camp, Gen, M/M, This is really dumb, no matter what levi thinks, not that shippy I just wanted to write fluffy camp nonsense, snipe hunts are the best
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-22
Updated: 2013-07-28
Packaged: 2017-12-20 23:18:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/893060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/isengard/pseuds/isengard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Erwin tells Levi he needs to plan a better evening program for his kids.  With the help of the camp staff and the teen unit, Levi gives the campers a snipe hunt they'll never forget.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [superboyfriends](https://archiveofourown.org/users/superboyfriends/gifts).



> based on [this au](http://pootles.tumblr.com/post/55176261844/sketches-for-a-summer-camp-au-that-im-probably) by [pootles](http://pootles.tumblr.com). I tried, or something.
> 
> for anyone who doesn't know, a snipe hunt is something younger kids do at sleepaway camp, basically they go on a "hunt" for a fictional creature called a snipe, and the snipe can be anything. usually other counselors hide in the bushes and make "snipe noises", it's like a whole thing.

“Levi,” Erwin says. “You need to do another evening program with your kids.”

Levi scowls. “We _have_ an evening program, not my fault it's become a standing one, the dirty little brats – ”

“Cleaning the bathrooms isn't a program, Levi.” Erwin raises an eyebrow, a mix of exasperation and indulgence. “They're _ten_. Come on.”

Well, they're fucking useless at cleaning anyways, he supposes. Thank God for the staff lounge bathrooms or he'd be forced to shit in the woods. “Whatever,” he says, crossing his arms. “Any suggestions?”

Erwin looks relieved. “You don't have to go all-out, just any of the old standbys are fine. Campfire, snipe hunt, that sort of thing. I'm sending Ymir on a food run, I could ask her to get some chocolate if you guys want to do s'mores.”

Levi has a mental image of his campers crowded around a bonfire, fingers coated in melted chocolate and marshmallow all over their faces. He shudders involuntarily.

“No, that's okay. I'll think of something.” He notices a speck of toast below the collar of Erwin's polo, and flicks it off. “I've never done a snipe hunt before.”

Erwin blushes, because he's easy as fuck, and Levi allows himself a moment of smug satisfaction before his friend falls back into the role of Staff Director. “You should think about it,” he says, earnestly. “The kids love it; we haven't had a good snipe hunt at camp in ages.”

“Ah yes, the Great Snipe Hunt of '09,” Levi nods, smirking. “One for the history books.”

“You weren't there,” Erwin tells him, leaning back against the wall of the mess hall. “I can give you some pointers, if you want.”

Levi glares.

“I'm just saying, it'll be hard to beat.”

Levi snorts. “You're about as transparent as a fucking glass right now.”

Erwin grins. “What you do is you use a pillowcase to trap the snipe, and then sort of shove your hand in the back of the pillowcase like the snipe is struggling, and – ”

“God, you've really thought this out,” Levi says, vaguely horrified. “No, please, keep me in suspense, don't spoil the ending.”

“ – the snipe gets away, never to be seen again,” Erwin finishes, talking over him.

“A hand in a pillowcase. I honestly don't know how I'll possibly top that, you're right.”

Erwin gives him a sly look and says, “Well, I do have very convincing hands.”

Levi inclines his head acquiescently. “Not your most persuasive body part, but you'd probably go to jail if you busted _that_ out in front of the kids.”

“Jesus,” Erwin exhales in a short laugh. He glances behind them at the mess hall, where campers and counselors alike are scraping their plates. “Looks like they're finishing up in there.”

“Just so you know, this was a totally unsatisfying private talk,” Levi tells him, reaching for the door handle. “I fully expect you to make it up to me later.”

Erwin's cheeks go a little pink again. “After your evening program, sure.”

Levi gives him a pointed look, a silent _whatever_ , and then he's back at the head of his table, watching in mild disgust as Jean and Connie fling potato bits at other other with spoons. Sasha's trying very hard to hide the fact that there's a bagel sticking out of her shorts pocket, and Eren is more or less covered in jam. As usual.

Children, Levi thinks, with an edge of something approaching fondness that he sternly refuses to acknowledge, really are the foulest little beasts in the world.

“Kirstein, you're sponging the table,” he announces. “Springer, get a mop, you're cleaning under it.”

Connie jumps, his mouth falls open. “But – ”

“Or I'll tell Ymir what you're doing with the food she makes for you to _eat_ ,” Levi adds, lowering his voice. “Jaeger, go to the bathroom for God's sake and clean your face before you get covered in bees again. Braus – ”

Sasha's face falls, and Levi considers his next words. “Keep crumbs out of the cabin,” he says, finally. “Last thing Petra needs to deal with from you is another ant infestation.”

Sasha beams at him and nods her agreement vigorously.

No one moves, except Marco, who is quietly stacking plates after he scrapes them.

“Hurry up!” Levi snaps, glaring around at them. “We're meeting Bertholdt at ropes course in twenty minutes. I _will_ leave you here.”

They all rush to comply immediately, and Levi sits down to look over the day's rotation schedule. Ropes, nature, pool, lunch. Rest hour, art, teen program, dinner. Evening program. He realizes with a burst of irritation, and just a touch of pride, that Erwin did actually get him to agree to a snipe hunt, of all fucking things.

He has no choice, he supposes, but to put on the best snipe hunt the camp has even seen. Flipping the schedule over on his clipboard, he takes out his pencil and starts to brainstorm ideas.

Pillowcases, it goes without saying, are out.

***

Hanji ambushes him when they're at Arts and Crafts, something he can't say he wasn't expecting. “Levi!” she cries, breaking down from her run and bracing her hand against the supply shed. “Did you hear? There's been a snipe attack!”

The campers all go silent. Even Reiner, who's helping Armin pick colors for his lanyard, looks up curiously at Hanji's outburst.

Levi scowls at her. “You don't say,” he replies dryly.

“Oh, it was horrible!” she continues, dramatically running the back of her wrist across her forehead. “The doctors say they'll be able to reattach Director Pixis's hand, but the snipe escaped!” She lowers her eyes and adds, in an ominous tone, “You know what _that_ means.”

Levi sighs. “I suppose it's now loose on the camp grounds.”

“Yes!” she shouts, collapsing backwards again, leaning heavily on the shed. “And it's a vicious one, Levi, I haven't seen a snipe this _dangerous_ in years.”

“Is there a reason you're telling me this?” he asks, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

“There is,” she says solemnly. Then she turns to face his campers, as though just noticing them. “But I shouldn't tell you in front of your campers, it's far too frightening for them to hear.”

There's a moment of silence, and then everyone starts shouting at once.

“We're not babies!” Eren yells, shooting up out of his seat. “Tell us!”

“Tell us!” Connie echoes.

“It bit off the director's hand?” Thomas squeaks.

“Tell us, before it gets us too!” Jean shouts, an edge of panic to his voice.

Mikasa turns to Armin, who shrugs when she asks, “What's a snipe?”

“Tell us!” Sasha cries, accidentally hitting Jean in the face with her lanyard strings.

Hanji presses her hand over her heart and steps forward. She appears to be summoning something, probably the will to keep a straight face. Reiner has already retreated to the back of the art tables, shaking with laughter.

“You're all very brave,” Hanji tells the campers. “The truth is, I came to find your counselor Levi because he is actually a world-famous snipe hunter.” She spares him a glance that looks suspiciously like a wink, and adds, “I hope you don't mind, Corporal, that I'm sharing your big secret.”

“Oh, no, I wouldn't dream of stopping you,” Levi says, motioning for her to go on. _Corporal_. That's new, anyways.

She turns back to the campers. “But I fear even Levi cannot catch this vicious snipe, not on his own. He needs help, but,” she hangs her head, “we have no others with his level of skill.”

Ten small faces turn to look at him wonderingly. He thinks about standing up, and decides it's probably not necessary. “What about you, Hanji?” he asks, tapping his fingers against the table. “I could train you to be a snipe hunter.”

“Oh, not me!” she exclaims, stepping backwards, almost breaking her composure. “I am – I am too afraid of the snipes! Terrified.” When he doesn't reply, she gives him an exasperated look and says, “What you need is people who are _brave_ , people who aren't afraid to fight for the camp.”

The campers, who've been hanging on her every word, are suddenly distracted as Eren tumbles out of his seat. “I'll do it!” he shouts, scrambling to his feet. “I will help Levi save the camp!”

Mikasa stands up. “Me too!” she says, and the other campers start nodding their agreement.

Now, Levi decides, is the time to get to his feet. “You want to help me hunt the snipe?” he asks them all incredulously. “Impossible. You have no training, you'd simply be in my way.”

“Train us!” Sasha calls.

“You said you could train Hanji,” Armin argues, “Train us instead!”

“I think they've got what it takes, Levi,” Reiner says, failing spectacularly at hiding his grin.

“We're not discussing this now,” Levi says dismissively. “I'll think it over. Finish your lanyards; we'll discuss this on the way to our next rotation.”

His campers, who five minutes ago couldn't've been happier playing with bits of colorful plastic string, now look as though he's just canceled their birthdays and Christmas in one fell swoop. _Honestly_.

“Don't worry, guys,” Reiner says in a conspiratorial voice. “We'll finish up a few minutes early so you can talk to Lev – uh, _Corporal_ Levi,” he amends with a wicked grin. “If you want, I can teach you how to make snipe nets.”

They all gape at him.

“Yeah, I know a couple things about snipes myself. Marco, c'mere, let me show you, it's really similar to a lanyard stitch, actually...”

Levi gets up and walks over to Hanji, letting Reiner take the lead on this one. At least he's not telling them to use pillowcases.

“You look very pleased with yourself,” he comments, earning a wide grin. “'Corporal', really?”

“I may have improvised a bit,” she shrugs, looking utterly unabashed. “You can carry it, I think.”

“I take it the entire camp's heard at this point.”

She nods. “We even got Pixis to wear a bandage on his hand. Cabin 104 is gonna be famous after tonight.”

“And the bathrooms will return to their previous state as a toxic waste dump,” he sighs. “Any other changes to our schedule I should know about?”

Hanji glances down at her clipboard. “What do you have next? Teen program?” She chews her lip thoughtfully. “I'll have them set up a training program for that rotation, if it's okay with you.”

“Sure,” he says. “I guess I'll give them a speech during snack.”

“Ooh, a Levi speech,” she grins. “I'm sorry I'll miss it. We have five campers in the infirmary with poison oak, though, I promised I'd read them a story next rotation.”

“They really don't give you much to do as a Unit Head, do they?”

Her eyes twinkle behind her glasses. “Maybe I'm just a really efficient worker.”

“This is Camp Rose, there's literally no such thing.”

She laughs, looking over his shoulder. “You better get into character, Levi. I think your fan club's about to riot.”

He glances behind him. Eren and Connie are testing their snipe nets on Jean, much to the delight of the others. Notably, not to the delight of Jean.

“I'll see you at dinner?”

“Assuming I don't get attacked by that vicious snipe,” he says, raising an eyebrow at her. She laughs again, and then her walkie-talkie goes off, and she hurries off to respond.

***

His kids are uncharacteristically quiet as they make their way to the office for snack. Eren and Armin are whispering with their heads together, but everyone else is gazing reverently at him, clutching their snipe nets with ill-contained excitement on their faces. He enjoys the silence until he suspects it's bordering on cruelty, has Franz pass out the Otter Pops, and then paces in front of them, preparing himself.

“What Hanji told you is true,” he begins. “I have...advanced training in snipe hunting. I can teach you some of what I know, and if you master the skills well enough, I'll take you with me to catch the snipe that's loose on camp grounds.”

“Are you gonna teach us how to kill it?” Eren blurts out.

He glares at the interruption. “No.”

“But – ” Eren falters, looks to Mikasa, who gives him an encouraging nod. “Hanji said it was dangerous! We have to kill it!”

“We're not going to – ”

“The creature attacked Director Pixis, it must be stopped,” Mikasa argues. “By any means necessary.”

Jesus Christ, these kids are _ten_. Levi shakes his head, thinking quickly. “The Western Snipe is actually highly endangered, Ackerman. It is a federal crime to kill them. We must capture it and return it to the authorities.”

For a moment, they all seem to consider his words, sucking thoughtfully on their Otter Pops. Then everyone starts speaking at once.

“Is it true the snipe is as big as a bear?”

“Do they really have poisonous fangs?”

“Did it come from the river? Can snipes swim?”

“How many snipes did you capture when you were a snipe hunter?”

“Can snipes really turn into humans at the full moon?”

“Something licked my face last night! I think it might've been the snipe!”

“No, I'm pretty sure that was Jean.”

“Are snipes dinosaurs?”

“What if the snipe has snipe babies?”

“Can snipes grant wishes?”

“ _Enough_ ,” he snaps, halting his steps and facing them. “If you really want to become snipe hunters, you must learn some _respect_.”

Miraculously, they all fall silent again.

“Here's how it's going to work,” he says, clasping his hands behind his back and resuming pacing. “For the duration of your training, I'm no longer your counselor, I'm your superior officer. You will address me as Corporal, I will address you as Cadets. Actually, I will address you however the hell I want, because I'm your superior officer. Clear?”

He can hardly believe his ears when he received a quiet chorus of, “Yes, sir.” Eren even snaps into a salute, adding, “I will assist you in any way I can, Corporal, for the duration of our training.”

Levi glances coolly at him. “You can start by cleaning yourself up, Cadet Jaeger, and possibly learning how to eat without ending up with half your food on your face.” He continues, “Snipes are drawn to sugar, even trace amounts, so you'd all better make sure your hands and faces are clean before we go out tonight, unless you want to lose them.”

Armin raises his hand. “Corporal, if snipes are drawn to sugar, why haven't we seen one at camp for so many years?”

“As I said, they are highly endangered,” Levi says. “Also, they hibernate for years at a time. Snipes are very elusive, which is why it takes so much training to hunt them.”

Sasha raises her hand. “What do they look like?”

Levi's thought hard about how he'll answer this question. “It varies,” he says, slowly. “The first thing you need to know about snipes is that they are _fast_. Too fast to see, almost. It's possible you'll never get a good look at it. They are not,” he says to Hannah, “as big as bears. The biggest one I ever caught was the size of a cat.”

Jean scoffs. “That doesn't sound very dangerous.”

“No?” Levi raises his eyebrows. “You think size is such a factor here, Kirstein? You think you can easily go up against a creature that can move faster than you can see, that has three inch fangs and razor sharp claws that can slice through human bone, that can take you apart and drag you back to its lair, piece by piece, and feast on your remains for months?”

Muted horror meets him from every face. _Ten_ , he reminds himself. Petra's going to kill him.

“We're going to teen program now,” he says, clapping his hands together. “The teens have agreed to assist me with your training. I expect you all to obey their orders without question.”

“Yes, sir!” they all shout, clambering to their feet.

This time, all it takes is a pointed glare to send them running to the bathrooms to wash the popsicle juice off their hands and faces. Levi thinks, in another life, he could've really enjoyed military rank.

***

The teen program rotation goes better than expected. Reiner helps the kids make masks to wear over the back of their heads (“so the snipe thinks it can't sneak up on you”), Christa teaches them how to throw the snipe nets, and even Annie instructs them on tracking snipes, which involves counting scratches on trees (snipes apparently have three toes on each foot and very strong hindquarters, they leap from tree to tree to get around). Bertholdt teaches them some basic defensive moves, and assures Levi that they'll all be out in the woods that evening to help during the hunt.

“It's so exciting!” he grins, rubbing his hands together. “We haven't had a good snipe hunt since I was like, twelve or something.”

“God, was that snipe hunt really _that_ good?” Levi grumbles. “Everyone always talks about it, but the way Erwin described it made it sound unbelievably lame.”

“I think,” Bertholdt cocks his head, considering, “that...well, we knew it was fake. We did. Obviously there's no such thing as a snipe, I think Erwin's snipe was some kind of poisonous lizard, but it doesn't really matter. It's _fun_. It's like watching a movie, you know? You know it's not real, but you still want to know what happens.”

That...actually makes a lot of sense. “Huh,” Levi nods, casting a critical glance at his campers. “I hadn't really thought about it that way.”

“You're still kind of new,” Bertholdt says, blushing when Levi gives him a sharp look. “Sorry, I didn't mean it like that. Snipe hunts are a Camp Rose tradition, is all I meant.”

Levi narrows his eyes. “I see.”

“I'm just gonna.” Bertholdt jerks his thumb over his shoulder, and turns around. “Whoa! Nice block, Mikasa! Can you actually show me that again?”

At dinner, Director Pixis, with his hand wrapped in a bandage that looks suspiciously like toilet paper, makes a grave announcement about the snipe spotted on camp grounds, and the courageousness of Cabin 104, risking life and limb to capture the snipe and deliver the camp from its reign of terror. “Led by the illustrious Corporal Levi, our very own Special Forces Snipe Hunter” he adds, and Levi wonders if he is ever going to live this shit down.

A loaded look Erwin shoots his way from the staff table tells him, no, he probably won't, but that doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so just in case there was any confusion, the campers in this story are: eren, mikasa, armin, jean, marco, connie, sasha, thomas, hannah, and franz, they're all 10 years old, thereabouts. reiner, bertholdt, annie, ymir, and christa are all in the teen unit, which makes them not quite campers but not quite counselors either.

Jean's a lot of things, but he's not an idiot.

He'd been initially alarmed, sure, over Hanji's announcement about the snipe. A wild animal that could take the Director's hand clean off? Yeah, no thanks. He didn't come to camp to be mauled to death. But then stupid Eren had to wave his man-crush around, and obviously Jean couldn't let him take all the glory. Mikasa seemed to like guys who did dangerous stuff, and he thought, maybe if _he_ was the one to catch the snipe, maybe then she'd finally notice him. It seemed like a solid plan, when he'd first hatched it. And it was hard not to get caught up in the excitement – everyone comparing their snipe nets, coloring their masks, learning to shield their vital organs from being ripped open by savage claws.

Then he thought about what they were doing.

Nets made of lanyard string. Masks made with construction paper and markers. “Intensive training” that was literally an hour and a half of being coached by a bunch of teenagers who couldn't stop _giggling_ , like the whole thing was some big joke, like they weren't in any real danger from the snipe at all. 

And Jean thought to himself, _wait just a damn minute_.

“Jean? You okay?” Bertholdt asked, loping over to him where he was frozen in the corner, experiencing a revelation. A gentle shake at his shoulder. “Jean? Hello?”

He looked up at Bertholdt. “There is no snipe, is there?”

Bertholdt looked very hard like he was trying not to laugh. He put a finger to his lips. “ _Shh_.”

The training kind of lost its meaning after that.

He'd been all set to blow the lid off the whole operation, reveal to everyone that they were being duped. Make Eren look like an idiot for not figuring it out sooner. Make Levi look like a tool for making them call him Corporal, because, seriously? What the hell was that?

“Hey, Jean, can you check the knots on my snipe net?” Marco asked, breaking through his reverie on the way to dinner. “Reiner was going to check them, but he got busy. I remember yours were really good though.”

Jean sighed and reached for Marco's net. “Yeah, sure,” he said. “Let's see that snipe net.” He had to restrain himself from using air quotes.

“Are you nervous?” Marco asked as they walked. He didn't want for Jean to respond. “I am, kind of, but it's so _cool_. I've never done anything like this before.”

Jean snorted. “What, you've never caught a cat?”

Marco shook his head. “I've never even had a pet. I wanted a dog, but my sister's allergic. But that's not what I meant, I mean.” He paused, and Jean watched a small smile play across his lips. “We could be _heroes_. Levi's gonna help us save the camp. Even if my net's not the one to catch the snipe, we still get to _be_ there. He trusts us to do this thing, and it's dangerous, and my mom would _freak out_ if she knew. Oh my God, I can never tell her.” He looked up, and noticed Jean staring at him. “Sorry, I'm just...really excited.”

Jean swallowed. “No, um, that's okay.” He handed the net back. Marco'd woven it out of tie-dye orange lanyard string. “Your net looks good. I think it's even better than mine.”

Marco blushed and ducked his head, and all of Jean's plans to stick it to the man and tear down the system went flying out the window. For some unknown reason.

So he kept his mouth shut all through dinner, all through Director Pixis's cheesy speech (and toilet paper? Really? He couldn't rustle up an ace bandage?), all through Eren trying to get away with using barbeque sauce as camouflage and Levi threatening to hang him from a tree as bait, all through Mikasa being caught trying to smuggle a knife out of dinner in her jacket pocket, all through Hanji giving them a tearful good luck speech as they exited the mess hall, and now he's sitting – _not_ sulking – in the cabin, waiting for everyone to changing into their “hunting gear”, which mostly consists of black basketball shorts and earth-toned t-shirts. Conveniently, snipes are colorblind at night.

God, this is stupid.

“You look pissed,” Connie says, plopping down next to him on the bunk. “What's up?”

Jean scowls. “I dunno, I guess I just don't really want to do this.”

“Seriously? How come?” Connie fiddles with the hem of his shorts and leans forward. “Are you scared?”

“Uh, _no_ ,” he says firmly.

“It's okay if you are, I'm a little scared too,” Connie says, still speaking in an undertone. “My foster dad took me deer hunting once, I was so scared I couldn't even hold the gun. So he made me go to check if the deer was dead, when he shot it.” He shudders. “I'm glad we're not killing the snipe, even if it is dangerous.”

Jean opens his mouth to say something, but then Eren bursts into the cabin screaming “SNIPE SNIPE SNIPE,” and slide-tackles Armin to the floor.

Everyone stares. Armin looks somewhat dazed.

“ – Eren?”

“I saved you,” Eren pronounces, getting to his feet. There's a toothbrush hanging out the side of his mouth and toothpaste dribbling down his chin. “Don't worry, it was just a drill.”

Thomas emerges from the closet, wide-eyed. “So there's no snipe?”

Eren shrugs, chewing on his toothbrush. “Dunno. Maybe it's... _right behind you_!”

Thomas jumps about three feet in the air, and everyone laughs, even Jean, before he remembers that Eren is his sworn enemy and nothing that he says or does is funny, ever.

He turns back to Connie. “I don't think it's _that_ dangerous,” he says in an undertone. “Probably don't worry about it too much.”

Connie gives him a wide-eyed look of disbelief. “But the Director's _hand_ – and Corporal said it has three inch fangs that'll rip your whole face off!”

It says something about his generous level of self-control that Jean doesn't roll his eyes. “They wouldn't let us do it if we were gonna get really hurt,” he reasons.

“Even to save the camp?” Connie still looks doubtful. “I guess. I don't wanna get eaten, but it'd be cool to have like, a really wicked scar, you know?”

Jean doesn't even know why he bothers. “Totally,” he agrees, slouching back on his bed.

Connie says, “You should put your shoes on. Corporal's out tracking it right now, he said to be ready.”

“Yeah, I'll get right on that,” Jean mutters.

He's lacing up his sneakers when Franz says, “Hey, did you guys hear that?”

The cabin falls silent. Jean doesn't bother concealing his eyeroll this time, no one's even looking at him, but then he hears it too.

 _Skritch, skritch, skritch_.

It's coming from the far end of the cabin, near the back door. Jean's heartbeat picks up, infuriatingly, because its _fake_ , he _knows_ it's fake.

 _Skritch, skritch_.

“It's the snipe!” Eren yells, spraying toothpaste everywhere. “It's trying to get inside!”

Someone makes a small whimpering sound next to Jean, and he turns to see Marco, frozen in place halfway down their bunk ladder. His shirt is tucked in, and Jean experiences a brief and intense urge to tackle him and rub dirt in his hair or tear his shirt sleeve or _something_ , because who the heck tucks their dumb shirt in to go on a snipe hunt?

The door bangs open, and at least four people scream. Jean may or may not be one of them.

“Its eyes are glowing!” Connie screeches.

There's the sound of shrill laughter, and then Mikasa turns her flashlight off. “Wow, you guys are _babies_ ,” she says delightedly, stomping into the cabin with the other girls in tow. “We totally scared you!”

“Didn't scare me,” Eren declares, climbing off of Armin's back with an air of nonchalance. “I knew it was you the whole time.”

Mikasa gives him a smug look, and then something skitters across the roof and lands in the tree outside their front door.

Jean launches off the bed. “Who's up there?” he demands, pointing at the girls.

Hannah shakes her head, looking pale. “It's just us, we didn't – ”

“It's time,” Levi says, materializing in the entryway. “Nets ready, masks on. Follow me.”

They all scramble to the front of the cabin, and Eren wipes his mouth with his sleeve before asking, “Corporal? Was that the snipe?”

Levi raises an eyebrow. “Why are you asking me, Cadet Jaeger? Were you paying attention in training this afternoon?”

Eren looks abashed, and although the whole thing is completely ridiculous, Jean allows himself a moment of satisfaction. 

Mikasa strides ahead of the group to the tree that bears their cabin sign, and points to the trunk. “Snipe tracks!”

Sure enough, there are six short gashes in the bark. Levi examines them, and then nods.

“Well spotted, Cadet Ackerman. By the size and spacing of these claw marks, I estimate the snipe to be about the size of a large ferret.” He turns back to the group. “I have set a highly advanced snipe trap on the other side of camp, just behind the ropes course. Our mission is to steer the snipe into the trap, so that it can be captured and returned to its native habitat.”

Armin raises his hand. “How do we – ”

“Sorry!” Hanji suddenly appears next to Levi, panting and bracing her hands on her knees. “Sorry I'm late, I was – uh – conferring with the snipe authorities.” She adjusts her glasses. “Wow, it's quite a steep hill up here from the office!”

Levi gives her a long-suffering look and sighs, handing her a backpack. “Hanji has volunteered, despite her terrible, crippling fear of snipes, to lead a small group of you along the northern edge of camp, to make sure the snipe does not veer off course and attempt to escape into the woods that way.” His eyes scan over them. “Wagner, Franz, and Hannah, you're with Hanji. The rest of you with me, we're taking the southern trail. We'll recon at ropes course, where the trails meet.”

Jean doesn't think he's ever heard such complete silence from his cabinmates.

Hanji beams at them. “Any questions?”

***

Jean's glad, anyways, that he's in the group that has to go by way of the southern trail. It's really more of a road, wide enough for a single vehicle to pass through, well-lit, and there's significantly less poison oak along the edges.

“More tracks!” Sasha whispers, slipping on gravel as she hurries forward to shine her flashlight on a tree trunk. “The snipe came this way!”

“Those tracks are fresh,” Levi notes. “Be on your guard. The snipe may still be nearby.”

Several seconds later, he clears his throat and says, more loudly, “ _The snipe may still be nearby_.”

A bush near Sasha's feet rustles menacingly, and she leaps back, muffling a scream. Jean's heart is pounding again. _Snipes aren't real_ , he reminds himself desperately. The bush rustles again, and then goes still.

No one moves. No one breathes. Jean's gripping something very tightly – Marco's hand, he realizes, which only makes his heartbeat more erratic. He should be embarrassed, right? What a sissy move, grabbing onto Marco like they're little kids crossing the street. Maybe he can say he was trying to _protect_ Marco, shield him from the snipe – yeah, that'd probably work. Mikasa would probably think it was brave of him.

There's a crunching, whirring sound, a curious muffled noise that almost sounds like someone cursing, and then Levi says, “There it goes! Jaeger, check the trees. Make sure it's staying on course.”

Eren darts ahead, flashlight beam bouncing into the dark of the woods. “I see the marks!” he calls. “It's going just the way you said it would!”

“Wow,” Jean mutters under his breath, trying to shake off his nerves. “What are the odds.”

“What'd you say, Jean?” Marco asks, distracted.

“Nothing,” Jean replies, glancing down at where he's still holding Marco's hand. He lets go abruptly, flexing his fingers. Weird.

“That was a close call, wasn't it?” Marco says as they hurry down the trail. “I think I might've caught a glimpse of it in the tree!”

“You saw it too?” Connie hisses, appearing between them. “Did you see the fangs? Sasha said she felt it try to grab her through her shoe!”

“No way!” Marco gasps. “I didn't see the fangs, I just saw – red eyes? I think. Red eyes, and sort of brownish-black fur.”

Jean recognizes the description as one Reiner gave them when they were coloring their masks, in reference to a probably made-up “Book of Camp Secrets” that'd been buried under the teen cabins for over a hundred years, written by Old Man Rose himself. “Come on,” he hisses. “We're getting behind.”

After about ten minutes, they stop seeing the marks on trees altogether. Eren turns to Levi. “Corporal? Could the snipe have gone off course?”

“We should've brought rifles,” Mikasa grumbles.

“Everyone stop,” Levi commands, holding out his arm. “This could be a trick.”

“Maybe we've got this whole thing backwards,” Jean suggests dryly. “Maybe the snipe is actually leading _us_ into a trap instead of the other way around, and we don't even know it.”

Armin lets out a muffled gasp, and Jean realizes that everyone is staring at him in abject horror.

“ _Honestly_ ,” Levi snaps, cuffing him lightly over the head. “Snipes aren't that organized, Kirstein. Stop frightening everyone.”

Jean wants to say, _you're one to talk_ , but, as previously stated, he's not that much of an idiot.

“Corporal!” Hanji's voice comes through the walkie-talkie on Levi's belt, as enthused as Jean's ever heard her. “We just had a snipe encounter! Thomas, Franz, and Hannah bravely defended me from the snipe's ruthless attack!” There's a crackling, staticky noise, and then she adds, “It should be headed your way now!”

“Roger that,” Levi answers, holstering the walkie-talkie once more. “Ackerman, take the front line.”

Something like a crash sounds in the woods ahead of them. Eren, evidently unable to contain himself any longer, lets out something like a war whoop and charges ahead at full speed. Jean notes that his mask is on upside-down.

“Jaeger – !” Levi barks, cutting himself off when Eren doesn't stop. “Kirstein! Go stop him, before he faceplants in a bank of poison oak again.”

“Forget poison oak, what about the snipe?” Connie cries.

Jean doesn't hear Levi's reply as he runs into the woods after Eren. It's an action that's all too familiar, at some point his entire camp experience became defined by chasing after Eren Jaeger, and that's just annoying as hell. The worst part, though, is how sickeningly _charmed_ everyone is by it. In nature rotation, where Eren wreaks more havoc than should be humanly possible, Christa ruffles his hair and calls him “her little explorer”. Jean's pretty sure he just needs his Ritalin adjusted.

There's another loud crash, a surprised yelp, and without warning, he collides head-on with another running figure.

“ _Ow_!”

“Jean!” Eren says, high pitched and off-sounding. “Uh – sorry – I wasn't looking – ”

He's bright red. Jean gets to his feet, scowling. “The heck is wrong with you? Are you desperate to be snipe food, or something?”

“It wasn't a snipe!” Eren says in that same high-pitched voice. “Let's just go back, let's go back right now.”

“Come on, then.” Jean pulls Eren to his feet. “What just happened? You're acting even spazzier then usual.”

“Um.” Eren looks determinately ahead. “Well, I thought – I _thought_ it was the snipe, but it was just Bertholdt. And...Reiner.”

Jean laughs, realizing what he must've witnessed. “So I guess the jig is up now, huh? You should tell Levi, that way we can end this stupid program and go back to the cabin.”

Eren gives him a very strange look. “What are you talking about? I'm not gonna _tell_ , besides, we can't go back to the cabin. We still have to catch the snipe.”

“But...” Jean stares at him. “If you saw them...pretending to be the snipe...then you _know_...”

“What the hell? Why would they pretend to be the snipe?” Eren asks, as though Jean is being completely unreasonable. “No, they – anyways, forget it. We have a mission, we can't get distracted. Unlike some people,” he adds darkly.

Jean falls into confused silence until they rejoin the group.

“Corporal's pissed,” Marco says in an undertone. “What happened?”

“No idea,” Jean answers, honestly at a loss. Well, whatever. He'll get it out of Eren sooner or later.

“Did he see the snipe?”

Jean shakes his head.

“I hope we didn't lose it,” Marco whispers. “I don't think I'd be able to sleep, knowing it was still out there.”

Jean looks at Levi, who is checking his watch. “I have a feeling we'll be running into it pretty soon,” he says.

Levi turns to them and, in a slightly raised voice, says “We're almost to ropes course, so get your snipe nets out. There aren't as many trees here, so watch the ground. The snipe could be any – ”

“Look out!” Connie yells, pulling Sasha back away from a thick patch of brush. The brush rustles, and this time, they hear a faint hissing sound.

Sasha throws her arms around Connie. “You saved me!”

The brush hisses again, and then goes still.

“It's moved on,” Levi says. “Good work, Cadets. Now all we have to do is stay close and keep it on course.” He looks at them all steadily, and for a split second, accompanied by a strange rush of adrenaline, Jean feels himself starting to believe in the whole thing.

Levi says, “Follow me,” and breaks into a run. The rest of the group rushes after him, excitement blooming across all their faces.

“I see it!” Eren calls, shining his flashlight on something disappearing into a tangle of bushes.

“I think it just jumped off that tree!” Mikasa says.

“It's so fast!” Armin gasps. “We'll never catch it!” Despite his frantic tone, there's a huge smile stretching across his face. Jean would roll his eyes, except he's somehow grinning too.

More hurried footsteps, and then the rest of their cabin appears, with an extremely disheveled Hanji in tow. “Fancy meeting you here!” Hanji greets them, pushing her hair out of her face. “All body parts accounted for? No injuries?”

“Miraculously,” Levi says, standing slightly back. “We still have the most critical part ahead of us. I need someone to man the snipe trap.”

Eren and Mikasa's hands immediately go flying up, and Levi looks over everyone shrewdly. Finally, his eyes settle on Jean.

“Kirstein,” he says. “Come with me.”

The "highly advanced snipe trap", Jean is somewhat amused to see, is a medium-sized dog kennel with a piece of folded tent canvas next to it. He peers in and wrinkles his nose. “Is that tuna salad?”

“ _No_ ,” Levi replies, with a note of exasperation. “It's raw meat, to entice the snipe.”

“Right,” Jean says, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “What do you want me to do?”

Levi points to a spot of brush at the edge of the ropes course. “The snipe is hiding there right now,” he says. “It knows it's surrounded. It's hungry. We're going to spread out and ambush it, and, looking for a safe place to hide, it will run right into the trap.”

Jean huffs. “That easy, huh.”

“Once the snipe is in the trap,” Levi barrels on, ignoring him, “your job is to lock it in and throw that canvas over it. Without the moonlight to see by, the snipe will go into false hibernation.”

“Levi – ”

“When your friends in Cabin 104 look back on this summer, this is the event they will remember,” Levi continues, lowering his voice. “This is what they will remember as the moment they went from campers to heroes. The moment they all bonded together to accomplish something bigger than themselves. Jean,” he says, “I am giving you this task, a task of unparalleled importance, because I want you to have the chance to be a hero as well. If you don't think you're up for it, I'll ask Hanji to do it instead.”

Jean looks at the kennel. _It's bullshit_ , he wants to say. _I know you're lying_.

Instead, he finds himself thinking about Marco, whose mother never lets him do anything that might result in an untucked shirt, and hears himself say, “Yeah, I'll do it.”

“Good.”

“Why me, though?” he asks, unable to stop himself.

Levi raises an eyebrow. “I already told you,” he says. “Be ready.”

As Levi walks away, Jean realizes that he was never reprimanded for referring to him by his name instead of “Corporal”.

Well, good. What an asshole, insisting they all call him that in the first place, seriously.

He looks in the kennel again while he's waiting. First of all, that's definitely tuna salad sandwich, no question. It looks like it might even be one of the leftover ones from their beach hike. Second – a walkie-talkie? Why would there be – 

“ _Charge_!”

Jean's head snaps up as ten pairs of feet come stampeding towards him. Something pelts down from one of the ropes course ladders, right into the bush Levi indicated, causing it to shudder.

“There it goes!” Eren's voice is shrill with excitement.

Something else pelts down and bounces off the kennel. Jean looks at it – a pine cone? what? – and then abruptly recognizes it as his cue. 

There is no snipe. He's supposed to _fake_ this. Levi asked him because Levi _knew_ he didn't believe in the snipe. God, he probably knew this whole time.

The footsteps are getting closer. Nothing to do now but sell the heck out of this thing. Jean _throws_ himself on top of the kennel, latching the gate as fast as he can, then scrambles to cover it with the canvas before his cabinmates can see there's nothing inside it. He almost yells in alarm when an angry hissing noise sounds from inside it, but then remembers the walkie-talkie.

“Jean!” Thomas shouts, grinning exuberantly and skidding to a halt in front of him. “You did it! You caught the snipe!"

“We saved the camp!” Eren whoops, extending his hand for a high-five that Jean returns before he can remind himself not to.

Several hands pat him on the shoulders, echoing each other's excited congratulations, and one hand wraps around his wrist, offering a gentle squeeze. Jean looks up to see Marco standing next to him, face flushed and eyes wide.

He wonders why he never noticed Marco had dimples before.

“That was _awesome_ ,” Marco breathes, looking down reverently at the snipe trap, which is still hissing faintly. “Eren thought you were gonna let it escape, but I knew you'd catch it.”

Jean grins in spite of himself, nudging Marco's shoulder with his own. “Hey, I couldn't've done it without all of you guys.”

Hanji gives him a discreet thumbs up as they load the kennel into the back of a golf cart, and Levi offers him a curt nod. There's something warm, almost itchy in Jean's chest, sharp but not entirely unpleasant. He leans against Marco, drained of all energy, and nods tiredly back.

“That,” Connie says through a yawn as they change into their pajamas back in the cabin, “was, hands down, the coolest thing I've ever done in my life.”

“How do you become a snipe hunter?” Eren asks, perched on the edge of his bunk.

“Usually through bribery,” Levi answers, sounding quite tired himself.

“Huh?”

“I'll tell you another time. Get in bed.”

Jean wonders, as he drifts off, if Mikasa said anything to the other girls about how he sprung into action to trap the snipe. He makes a mental note to bug Sasha about it at breakfast, and then slips into dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! this might become a series-type thing, I seriously doubt I'm done with it.


End file.
